Survival

Not only must I survive the semester, but I've got to find a way to actually excel. In class and in life. I'm at a crossroads and I can't determine how to save myself.

I like myself...yet I don't like myself. It's difficult to explain, but there's alot of things that bother me, especially lately, and while I like myself right now...I'm not who I NEED to be.

I don't get enough sleep every night. I put off my homework. I want to get into the entertainment industry, but I can barely run one of the cameras at school. I have a gut, which is beginning to really bother me. Yet I'm too lazy to go play basketball or workout in any fashion. But, I feel like I'm lazy for a reason, in that respect. My feet are so terrible that I'm hurting within 30 minutes of running up and down a basketball court.

So...I don't know. I'm lonely. And everything has pushed me to the point where I almost feel empty inside. Everything I do, it seems, is more for the simple fact of "going through the motions" than it is for my own personal love/benefit/etc.

I put together a video package tonight of our family vacation to Virginia, set to "Time 2 Ryde" by the Psychopathic Rydas, haha. It was pretty good. Took me six hours (approximately) to edit it. Frankie and Wendy liked it, so that was cool for some first-batch feedback.

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On the bright side, there was some FUCKED UP! weather today. It was rainy and dreary this morning and then when I left for my second class, it turned into a torrential downpour. It was cool, really, except for the fact I was on my way to school and I could barely see. Then, within the one hour I was in class...everything changed. I walked back to my car and it was warm, it was sunny, the skies were blue, you'd barely had known it rained as bad as it did an hour earlier. It was unbelievable, but only reaffirms the fact that Iowa weather is FUCKED UP!. So, that was the most interesting thing about today, I guess.

Time for bed. I wish there was something to cheer me up. G'night.