Making another attempt...

First and foremost, allow me to get something to eat and drink in order to sooth my soul, fore I just got through witnessing Chris Benoit retain the World Heavyweight Championship...AGAIN.

(Food break here.)

Alright. A little better now that I have cake at my side. The reason for the lack of posts has been two things: 1) I went on vacation last week to Virginia and 2) everything is stagnant, really. Every last thing in my life is just the same fuckin' thing as it always is.

So, to touch on the things I touched on in the previous entry which disappeared due to a breaker...well, breaking, prior to the trip and especially during and after the trip, I've been greatly annoyed/upset/whatever with my sister.

Yes, I too was 15, 16, 17 once before and know what it's like to be a major cunt, but she is seriously going above and beyond the call of duty. I was "rebellious," but the way she's going, she's just going to become a life-long bitch. Last year at this time, I thought the two of us had actually become "friends" but somewhere in the past few months, she's dipped back into her "bitch" mode and it only intensified during the trip.

Everytime we turned around, her and Frankie were arguing over the stupidest, most petty bullshit and then they wouldn't talk to anybody all God damned day and then, even if they did make-up, they'd only talk to each other and pretty much she'd stay pissed at the world.

With just a couple days left in the vacation, we were at a mall, and she got pissed off at me and Frankie both...for what reason, I'm still not sure, but I tried to find out why. That's all. She couldn't/wouldn't give me a straight answer, just told me to "leave her alone," so in other words, she had no reason to be mad at me, nor could she think of a good excuse.

So she tried to walk away from me and I stuck my arm out, holding her back. She uses her fingernails and scratches up my right arm. Not bad, no big deal, so whatever. Thing keeps going, she tries to walk away again, I hold her back again, this time she grabs my left arm with her nails and TEARS THE EVER-LIVIN' SHIT OUT OF IT!

She wouldn't let go either, so I had to pieface her away from me, at which point John stepped in. Of course I'm teetering on the edge, halfway between punching her fucking lights out, and crying like a bitch...and she runs off, Frankie not far behind her, and people staring.

And she doesn't get punished for it, either. It's like she's held to a different standard than I am...because I don't see how ANYBODY could get away with that bullshit. Here's a (bad) picture of it:



Then we had it out again on the way home. I offered to drive, around 10PM-ish (we had been driving since about 9AM) and so I drove for about 3 hours, I'm guessing. They sang me "Happy Birthday" at midnight and shortly after that, Frankie and Wendy attempted to lay down in the middle seat, which resulted in Wendy's head bumping the back of my seat several times. I asked what the fuck was going on, and told her to stop, and she flipped out. Then, not more than 2 minutes later, she bumped my chair again, so I was like "There she goes again..." and she started purposely doing it. So I wigged out and told her I was going to turn around and punch her in the fucking face and a bunch of other shit was said, alot of which hurt my feelings.

We drove in silence for who-knows-how-long and we finally stopped for gas and then I ended up crawling into "The Hole," which was the one spot in the backseat, and I didn't really talk to anybody after that. Except Mom on a couple of occasions.

Yeah, in other news, July 5th was my 21st birthday, so not only do I argue with my younger sister like I'm not an adult...but I don't have a job either...or friends...no car. So on and so forth. I don't wanna be so God damned negative, but fucking-A, I feel like shit about my life.

I know it's all on my own shoulders. I can change it. I'm the only person who can truly make myself happy and make my future matter. But I honestly can't figure out how. I don't have "career aspirations"...I have "dreams." I am not grounded in the slightest bit.

Anyway, I have class tomorrow (Monday) at 12:30PM. My work day, for the record, has been switched to Thursday...which I hope is just as unbusy as Mondays.