Life as we knew it...

Life as we once knew it, has just ceased.

Okay, so, not really. Summer is drawing to a close, that's all, and it sucks pretty bad. I've had class and work all summer, so it hasn't really felt like summer, because I'm supposed to stay up all night, sleep all day, and hang out with friends and do absolutely nothing.

But I haven't done that, at least to the extent I'd like to. Nonetheless, it hasn't been terrible. Currently, I'm working with the radio station out at the state fair, doing as little as possible. Taking pictures of fat people and people with mullets. Etc. It's cool, as long as I'm working with somebody who isn't a complete 'tard. Like Thursday was cool. Yesterday was "meh"...I worked with the gay guy and the ditz, and tomorrow I work with the ditz again (ugh) and somebody who I have absolutely no clue who she is.

Today, I went to the fair again (I can't get away from that place apparently) with Tim, Holli, and Mary. We chilled for a few hours and had a good time and made fun of stupid people, because those kinds of people deserve to be made fun of.

I have to finish my summer class work by next Friday. That's going to be a BITCH! to accomplish. In-between work and trying to develop a GOOD creative idea. It sucks, because I'm SUPPOSED to be a creative person and I can't seem to come up with anything for this project.

And I still have the $300-something worth of books to buy, as usual. That sucks monkey testicles. Oh, and elephant testicles, too.

I'm currently listening to NinjaChat's Weekly EP #5 and working on comments towards that. W3rd. I don't know why I felt the need to tell you that. Maybe just because it's NinjaChat, and NinjaChat > You. Unless, of course, you are a ninja.

Wouldn't it be grand to be in love?

I wish I were. I continually believe I wasted my summer last year, a summer that could've been spent with Jeff...having a good time, meeting girls, etc. But I wasted my time and feel like a complete fool for it.

And I seem to be falling into the same trap once again. I spend alot of time online, yes, but I don't bind myself to it. Last summer, I was bound by the Internet (and the phone), and it sucked in the end. What a waste of time, seriously.

Now, the problem being, is that I've been talking to another girl online. And she's really fuckin' cool and I enjoy talking to her. That's not a bad thing, at all, but I feel I'm getting too attached to this girl and that's the bad thing. Bad in several ways. Bad, because it's a waste of time, where I'm bound by the Internet (and/or phone) because there's no other way to nurture such a relationship. Bad, because she's 17.

It's something I don't want to get involved with, but it seems inevitable. I'm SO eager to be in a relationship; I'm tired of being alone. And yet, I can't seem to meet anybody around here that is cool...nor do I think I could find anyone willing to reciprocate the same feelings. I don't have GREAT self-esteem...it's not low, but it's not off-the-charts high, either. I'm realistic, and I know that I'm a fucking weirdo and a tad boring, and I cannot connect with my peers on any level. The only level my peers seem to have is "let's get drunk, let's get high, let's fuck some bitches."

Well, I'm not all about that.

I'm weird, I'm boring, and I can't connect...so it's hard to find friends and it's hard to find girls. So, I just seem to fit in better in this little "fake reality" that is the Internet, where people aren't always as judgmental and I'm more open, more honest, more talkative. I can say, honestly, that I talk to people online that I may not become friends with in real life. Mainly because I'm so shy/quiet/anti-social; I don't approach people, nor do I initiate conversations. I wait for people to come to me; to talk to me. And, I'm not much of a (vocal) conversationalist. But, somehow, I can talk for hours online about absolutely anything, with anybody as long as they're cool and open-minded people.

I've sort of lost track of what I wanted to say. I like this girl, but I'm trying to hold myself back from becoming too into her. On top of that, I wish I could make friends and shit around here easier, but it's not as easy as just doing it. I hate when others tell me to go out, meet people, make friends, etc. and "just be yourself" or whatever. If I am myself, I bore them to death. If I keep to myself and stay quiet, then nobody is interested, or if they are, I eventually bore them as well.

I'm in a pseudo-depression.