Signs

Signs of my impending nervous breakdown:

Well, the only real "sign" is the fact I'm still showing ill effects from last week. But that's saying a lot. I tend to be able to take things one week at a time and nothing from last week really affects me this week, and so on.

But it's like my mind and/or body just can't take it, because this week has been awful. Not because of anything I did (or didn't do) this week; granted, I had quite a bit of homework, but I don't think that caused anything so much as it just added to it.

Last week was one of, if not the, busiest week I've had in a looooong time. Sunday through Wednesday, I spent countless hours at school...probably twice my regular on-campus time, but that's just a guess. And beyond being there and doing all sorts of TV bullshit, I had regular classes, and I also then had to come home and do my homework.

And deal with my household.

I don't see how parents/family people go to or go back to school. It's unbearable enough doing minute chores around the house, taking messages down from phone calls, making sure all the dogs are in the house, making sure my sister gets home from work, running to the store to pick up this or that, and now also having my uncle around non-stop makes for quite the difficult task.

Oh, and work? How do people have freaking jobs?! On top of all that?!

I can't do it, it's impossible.

Anyway, so I was extremely busy last week...right up until Thursday, when things weren't so much "busy" as there were just fucked up. Thursday and Friday, we had 60 degree weather, and yet I come down with a cold (which I'm still trying to recover from). Also, my grandpa had a heart attack. So my weekend was consumed by those two things and - you guessed it - more homework.

So instead of going into my Monday well-rested, relaxed, and ready to deal with another week on the grind...I was already beat down into the dirt, tired, sore, sick (partially at that point), and just generally not good. And it's really getting to me now.

I just got through, this afternoon, with producing a live newscast. Granted, I was a mere cameraman, and that had me on-edge, nerves-wise...I couldn't imagine producing, directing, TDing, audio directing..........okay, pretty much anything else. I couldn't imagine doing another position because it'd be a ton of work and it's work that needs to be completely on-point or ya show gets fucked.

So that took a lot out of me. Not that I had much left to take. And I still - yup, uh huh - have homework.

Anyway, yeah, chances are I'd complain about this as it is...but part of me says I'd just leave it alone, other than the fact it really does seem to be taking a physical toll on me. The thing is, when I concentrate on something (taking notes, driving, walking, typing this right now) I'm fine...but as soon as relax my eyes from the screen and/or stop typing and/or take my mind off of it (basically, if I break my concentration), I get a bit light-headed and (in some instances) experience an almost (but not quite) out-of-body feeling. So it's crazy.

I'm hoping things come together for me in the next week or so, because I don't know how much longer I can last feeling like this. It's weird because, in general, this hasn't been a bad week at all and yet this "feeling" (the light-headed/out-of-body kinda shit) makes me feel terribly depressed.

So I dunno. It's the weekend and I have two things I need to accomplish: 1) plenty of sleep and 2) finish my homework. PZ, beyatch.